There are times in all relationships when you begin to wonder if he has lost interest. You just feel it, without really being able to put your finger on what the problem is.
No matter what you try to do or say, he just doesn't seem
interested anymore. He might even not answer your calls or texts for a long while, and you begin to wonder where he is and what he is up to.
Has he met someone else?
Doesn't he want to spend time with me anymore?
Did I do something wrong?
These are common questions and fears at some point in almost every relationship.
The thing is, how do you overcome the problem without making yourself crazy, or letting your imagination take you to places you'd rather not go? How can you feel calm and peaceful, even when you can feel that something is really wrong?
Call it woman’s intuition if you want to, but you can feel the sense of distance between you a mile away. The more you try to ignore it or fix it as best as you know how, the worse it gets. Something inside you is telling you loud and clear that there is something wrong.
Maybe you try to bring it up to your man, but he will usually make you feel like your imagining things or being too sensitive. This is a “deflect attention away,” shift the blame tactic. He might offer excuses such as he's just tired or his mind is on a problem at work.
How do you get him to tell you what's really wrong? How can you reconnect and enjoy the intimacy and closeness you once shared?
Getting angry, defensive or making accusations are not the way to go. If you do those things, it will only make him withdraw further and at a much faster pace.
I understand how hard it is to stand by and feel like you're not doing anything, but this is the time to try to let it go and relax. After all, whatever the issue is, it will come to light in its own
time.
If he doesn't want to talk about it, or maybe doesn't even understand what the problem is, there is nothing you can do to force the issue.
If you rule your reaction or course of action by fear, desperation, neediness or anger, I guarantee you will regret it and suffer the consequences you fear most.
Ask yourself what you are afraid of. What is the worst case scenario?
More than likely, it is the fear that he no longer cares for you or has possibly met someone else. Your fight or flight instincts kick in because you strongly sense the possibility that you are about to get hurt.
Let me remind you that no amount of begging, crying, threatening, stalking or arguing will make him love you more. In fact, all of those things will help him fall out of love with you in a
heartbeat.
You cannot make anyone love you. You cannot make or force anyone to be with you. You cannot force anyone to remain in a relationship if their heart is not into it.
The best course of action when you feel distance developing between you, or he starts acting differently, is to relax.
Bring it up to him gently, just by casually mentioning that he seems distracted lately. Ask him if he wants to talk, or if there's anything you can do to make things better. After that, let it go.
Do not keep bringing it up. Do not keep badgering him to tell you what's going on. When and if he wants to talk, when he's ready, he will come to you and talk. In the meantime, be supportive and upbeat.
If your worst fears are realized and he tells you he wants to break up or decides he needs his space, take heart.
By letting him go, you have a very good chance at winning him back. If he thinks the grass is greener on the other side, let him find out for himself that it usually is not that way at all.
By taking the high road and letting him know you are disappointed but agree that it's probably for the best, you may take him completely off guard. Believe me, if you take the news like someone who is strong and confident, he will remember - just from that moment - what an incredible woman you are.
More than likely, he will think of you a lot more than you realize, and by keeping yourself busy, going out with friends, and letting him see that your life can go on without him and be happy and fulfilling, he may just realize you are worth more than a second look. How awesome would that make you feel?
So if you are wondering has he lost interest or something else is going on, remember that things are not always as they appear. Feeling distance or going through an actual break in the relationship doesn't have to mean that it's over forever. It might even make it better than before.
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