Is commitment phobic for real?
Are commitment phobic men for real, or is this just an excuse being thrown around to explain why they won't commit?
Is fear of commitment the real reason, or are there other reasons that are just being lumped under that commitment phobic umbrella?
There may be some valid reasons why a man is afraid to commit.
For one thing, much like a woman, he may have had a very bad, painful or downright horrible relationship in the past that ended badly.
Much like women who tend to stereotype men, men do the same thing to women.
Is fear of commitment the real reason, or are there other reasons that are just being lumped under that commitment phobic umbrella?
There may be some valid reasons why a man is afraid to commit.
For one thing, much like a woman, he may have had a very bad, painful or downright horrible relationship in the past that ended badly.
Much like women who tend to stereotype men, men do the same thing to women.
The past haunts us
For example, if a man has been through a divorce, he may feel that the judge favored the woman in the case and gave her everything she wanted with no consolation for him. He may have been ordered to pay a lot for child support, alimony, and lost half of everything he owned.
If your man has a negative experience in his past, although unfair, you may be paying for it.
To be fair, if women have had bad past experiences with relationships or a failed marriage, they tend to be overly cautious about whatever caused them pain and bring emotional baggage to the new relationship.
None of us, man or woman, wants to be in pain.
If your man has a negative experience in his past, although unfair, you may be paying for it.
To be fair, if women have had bad past experiences with relationships or a failed marriage, they tend to be overly cautious about whatever caused them pain and bring emotional baggage to the new relationship.
None of us, man or woman, wants to be in pain.
Commitment phobia...really?
Other valid reasons why men are afraid to commit include -
= Not being able to play the field and being with one woman for life
= Unsatisfying sex life
= Loss of freedom, free time and stuff he loves to do
= Never getting his way or to do what he wants; scale always tipped in the woman’s favor
= The feeling of being controlled, manipulated or trapped
= Feeling pressured into becoming committed to a relationship he's not really sure he wants
= Fear of losing possessions, money and that there are alternative motives for wanting that ring (trust issues)
= Fear of not living up to expectations (can he really be your Prince Charming or will he end up disappointing you?)
In his head, heart and gut?
On the surface, it may appear or he may tell you that he’s afraid of commitment, but more than likely, there may be a lot of underlying reasons for the fear and hesitation.
If it doesn’t feel right in his head and his gut, then there is something missing from the relationship, and he may not even be able to tell you what it is. In most cases, it has way more to do with him than with you.
He can feel love for you and be extremely attracted to you, but if he doesn’t have the right “gut” feeling, there’s going to be hesitation in committing to the relationship.
Wouldn't it be great to truly get an understanding of his fears and concerns and reassure him that you are the one?
There are ways of handling situations and communicating effectively to connect on a deep level to give him that confidence, and good feeling in his head, his gut and in his heart, that you are the one.
When you sense that he's pulling away and there is something not quite clicking the way it used to, it is natural for panic to set in. After all, if you've invested any amount of time into the relationship and have pretty much decided that he is the man for you, the last thing you want is for walls to go up and the yellow or red lights to go off.
Let me explain…
Just like a traffic signal, when a man hits the “yellow light” stage, something, or maybe a bunch of things, are telling him that something
isn't right and to yield, or back off from the relationship.
If he hits the “red light” stage, it's a full- blown stop and that's when the relationship stops completely and will not move forward.
How can you turn your man from a yellow or red light into a heartfelt green light to move full steam ahead with the relationship?
Let me explain…
Just like a traffic signal, when a man hits the “yellow light” stage, something, or maybe a bunch of things, are telling him that something
isn't right and to yield, or back off from the relationship.
If he hits the “red light” stage, it's a full- blown stop and that's when the relationship stops completely and will not move forward.
How can you turn your man from a yellow or red light into a heartfelt green light to move full steam ahead with the relationship?
If you look for complexity, you'll never find simplicity
What you do NOT want to do is apply pressure, lies, manipulation, guilt, or make threats of kind because on some level, your man will end up resenting you for it, and feel nothing but pressure from you.
Men don't like to be pressured into anything they don't want to do, as is the case for women.
However, men who feel pressure tend to want to run out the nearest exit.
There are cases when men seem to settle or go forward with committing to a relationship that they just don't feel completely right about
for many of the same reasons women do.
Things like getting older, pressure from family and friends or just tired of being alone and picking the best prospect out of the current pool.
For a woman, it's different because of the biological clock issue. Men generally want to do things that make them happy and feel good.
Really, men like to keep it as simple and uncomplicated as possible.
Venus vs Mars?
Men generally aren't ruled primarily by their hearts or emotions, at least not as often as women are. Men can tend to separate the different areas of their life easier than women do.
A man will generally not go on and on about what a bad day he had at work, unless something really out of the ordinary happened.
They usually get over it by the time they get home and have a beer.
Women, however, tend to replay the day over and over, talk about it for the rest of the night and maybe even days later and never really shake it off.
When your man has had a bad day at work, and then you go on for an hour telling him how bad your day was, it's something he doesn't understand.
My husband has told me that he can't understand why I'm overanalyzing the day so much, or why it still bothers me when it happened hours ago. Hmmm. Good point, honey, and one that gives a lot of insight as to how guys think so much differently than we do.
I have come to appreciate his feedback because it really helps me to stop and ask myself if I am over-reacting or why I can't just let it go. It has really helped me deal better and more objectively with just about everything in my life. It also helps me focus on the now, and not dwell in the past and certainly not to use my husband as a therapist.
Not to mention if he doesn’t agree with me…whoa…that’s when it can get interesting : )
Seriously, if you really listen and hear what your man is saying, you can make great strides into his conversation style and make it work for you instead of against you.
This is not to say you shouldn't ever share things about your day, but just not to the point where you are having an emotional tirade over something he would probably consider not worth all the effort of dwelling on in the first place.
Venus (women) vs. Mars (men), right?
A man will generally not go on and on about what a bad day he had at work, unless something really out of the ordinary happened.
They usually get over it by the time they get home and have a beer.
Women, however, tend to replay the day over and over, talk about it for the rest of the night and maybe even days later and never really shake it off.
When your man has had a bad day at work, and then you go on for an hour telling him how bad your day was, it's something he doesn't understand.
My husband has told me that he can't understand why I'm overanalyzing the day so much, or why it still bothers me when it happened hours ago. Hmmm. Good point, honey, and one that gives a lot of insight as to how guys think so much differently than we do.
I have come to appreciate his feedback because it really helps me to stop and ask myself if I am over-reacting or why I can't just let it go. It has really helped me deal better and more objectively with just about everything in my life. It also helps me focus on the now, and not dwell in the past and certainly not to use my husband as a therapist.
Not to mention if he doesn’t agree with me…whoa…that’s when it can get interesting : )
Seriously, if you really listen and hear what your man is saying, you can make great strides into his conversation style and make it work for you instead of against you.
This is not to say you shouldn't ever share things about your day, but just not to the point where you are having an emotional tirade over something he would probably consider not worth all the effort of dwelling on in the first place.
Venus (women) vs. Mars (men), right?
What does he relate to most?
For most men, they are very into their jobs or careers. You’d be surprised at how much they
measure their self worth and their very identity by what they do for a living and how successful they are.
I didn’t realize how deep this connection was until my husband got laid off from a job he totally identified with. He really had a hard time with it and felt lost, like a failure and man, he struggled with this for a really long time.
Wouldn’t it be great to know just what to say in a situation like this to not only make him feel better, but let him know he’s got your love and support no matter what?
You can learn how powerful you can be to change his insecurity and fear into security and courage. Yes, you can do that.
measure their self worth and their very identity by what they do for a living and how successful they are.
I didn’t realize how deep this connection was until my husband got laid off from a job he totally identified with. He really had a hard time with it and felt lost, like a failure and man, he struggled with this for a really long time.
Wouldn’t it be great to know just what to say in a situation like this to not only make him feel better, but let him know he’s got your love and support no matter what?
You can learn how powerful you can be to change his insecurity and fear into security and courage. Yes, you can do that.
Independence
Another really important point is to keep your own identity and interests.
Do not become so involved in his life and his hobbies so much so that you take up a sport or hobby that you don’t really like, but just act like you are into it because he's into it.
Hopefully, you will have your heart set on a man with whom you share a lot of mutual interests to begin with.
It's one thing to have a genuine interest in what is important to your guy, but quite another to become a completely different person based on who you're dating at the time.
For example, you are dating a biker so you wear nothing but black leather. A year later, you are dating a golfer so you join two golfing leagues.
Doing things like this may also make him feel smothered and on a more disturbing note, you are just not being true to yourself.
Don’t fall into that“doormat” syndrome where you go along with anything and everything just to keep any relationship alive.
Do not become so involved in his life and his hobbies so much so that you take up a sport or hobby that you don’t really like, but just act like you are into it because he's into it.
Hopefully, you will have your heart set on a man with whom you share a lot of mutual interests to begin with.
It's one thing to have a genuine interest in what is important to your guy, but quite another to become a completely different person based on who you're dating at the time.
For example, you are dating a biker so you wear nothing but black leather. A year later, you are dating a golfer so you join two golfing leagues.
Doing things like this may also make him feel smothered and on a more disturbing note, you are just not being true to yourself.
Don’t fall into that“doormat” syndrome where you go along with anything and everything just to keep any relationship alive.
He's just not that into you?
Your guy may be distant, distracted or seem like he's just not that into you at one point or another in the relationship, and you can gain a tremendous edge to know how to read the signals you might have previously missed, or how to step through the landmines without getting hurt.
Help is here
The good news is that there is help to learn all this stuff.
The program, Girl Gets Ring, can help you identify what might trigger a yellow or red light, why he
might be pulling back and other signals that your man doesn't feel quite right with something in your relationship.
Things you may have never even thought about before.
You can learn how to have genuine, meaningful conversations, and finally have the satisfying awesome relationship you really do deserve.
By learning some new skills, you can finally have some sort of clue as to how his mind really works, and what is going on behind the scenes.
The program, Girl Gets Ring, can help you identify what might trigger a yellow or red light, why he
might be pulling back and other signals that your man doesn't feel quite right with something in your relationship.
Things you may have never even thought about before.
You can learn how to have genuine, meaningful conversations, and finally have the satisfying awesome relationship you really do deserve.
By learning some new skills, you can finally have some sort of clue as to how his mind really works, and what is going on behind the scenes.
Among other things this program will teach you, you will learn that you will NOT have to resort to -
= Manipulation, guilt or ultimatum tactics
= Feeling depressed, desperate, hopeless or anxious
= Staring at the phone wondering why he isn’t calling
= Feeling like everything is a struggle
= Wondering what is wrong with you or why you cannot attract and/or maintain a great relationship
= Doing all the work and making most, if not all, of the effort
= Wasting your time
= Wondering if he really loves and wants to be with you
= Settling for anything or anyone less than you deserve
= Manipulation, guilt or ultimatum tactics
= Feeling depressed, desperate, hopeless or anxious
= Staring at the phone wondering why he isn’t calling
= Feeling like everything is a struggle
= Wondering what is wrong with you or why you cannot attract and/or maintain a great relationship
= Doing all the work and making most, if not all, of the effort
= Wasting your time
= Wondering if he really loves and wants to be with you
= Settling for anything or anyone less than you deserve
Who doesn't want it all?
Who doesn’t want to understand men better and be able to connect with the cream of the crop type of guys you’ve been dreaming about?
Who doesn’t want to handle misunderstandings or have meaningful conversations where you can actually hear what he’s saying and take it from there?
Who doesn’t want to be able to sense that there is something going on even when he can’t or won’t tell you?
Who doesn’t want to know exactly what to do that will have far more effective results than the things you’ve been doing over and over again in the past?
So, if you are tired of searching for a great guy with less than stellar results, being in mediocre or unhappy relationships, want to move a current relationship forward, and for cryin’ out loud, get that ring already, I urge you to check out this program.
All is fair in love and war so anything you can learn to have true love, maybe for the first time in your life, deserves your immediate focus and attention.