Here's the scenario. You've spent some time in a relationship, only to have it go nowhere. After you break up, your guy goes off and gets engaged or married to the very next women he starts to date where you two left off.
Well, you are not alone. Hasn't this happened to every one of us at least once? When Harry Met Sally? If not you personally, then maybe it's happened to a friend. Somewhere along the way, it's probably going to happen if it hasn't already.
Here's the thing. You start dating a great guy and after a while, begin to think that he's "the one." Then time goes on and the relationship doesn't ever seem to move in the direction of securing a commitment from him.
That's when even more issues come into play. You start to wonder if the two of you will ever get to the point of a committed relationship. You don't want to push, and don't want to force him into making a decision or worse yet, giving him an ultimatum.
And while the relationship is OK, somewhere in the back of your mind, you may be thinking that it just doesn't feel completely right. Or maybe you make excuses for things in the relationship that you wish were different.
Like, if you hate football and your guy has two big flat screens playing football all day, every day. Or he doesn't ever buy you flowers. Or he doesn't like to do many of the things you'd like to do. Whatever the things are that you wish were different.
But you don't really want to face these things and be honest with yourself because while the relationship isn't bad, it's just not the head-over-heels, over-the-moon, can't-live-without-this-guy-type of a relationship.
Let me tell you that if you are having these kinds of thoughts or little nagging doubts, so is he. So while you might like to blame him for being afraid to commit to you, maybe he just isn't willing to admit that this isn't the relationship he's ready to commit to. But then again, neither are you.
Sometimes it's easier to just go with what you have and know to be familiar and comfortable. Who wants to start dating? Who wants to start all over from scratch?
The fear of not being able to find another good or even fantastic relationship is just too scary to even think about. If you've invested years into the relationship, then it's even worse. Let's face it. Being brutally honest about whether or not this is really the relationship you want
deep down is really hard to do. I know because I did just that.
If you have your whole future planned out with the guy you're with, it's really hard to look into the future and imagine it with anyone else. If the two of you are compatible and are relatively happy with each other, it's easy to see why the wrong people end up eventually committing to each other for the wrong reasons.
Let's just say you've been thinking about why your relationship isn't moving forward, or why in your moments of facing your real, deep feelings about the relationship, that you have questions about a committed life together.
Whether you are having these thoughts consciously or not, don't ignore the thoughts if they are there. Admit that there are things you're not crazy about and whether or not making a commitment with this particular person is really what you want. Are you just "loving the one you're with" because the thought of starting over terrifies you?
What if you could see the signs that point to the fact that maybe the two of you aren't as into the relationship as you once thought you were? By recognizing these signs, you could either make a decision to end the relationship and get started on meeting someone who you can really connect with, or at least not tear yourself up inside when the relationship never really reaches that committed level that you feel way down deep in your heart and soul.
By understanding that there may be someone out there that will make you happier, more in love and commit to you, you'll save yourself a lot of tears, heartache and wondering what's going on in the current relationship that's going nowhere.
At some point in your relationship, you have to bring up what your plans are for the future. If it means a marriage and children, then you need to get that point across. You don't want to wait for years to have this conversation, because then you'll probably assume that your hopes and dreams will include your guy.
Now if your guy isn't interested in any of that, you've got a problem. You've spent a lot of
your time hoping that he'll pop the question when he really has no intention to do so, and you'll be heartbroken to find out that he isn't willing to commit to you.
That's not a good position to be in for either your head or your heart. Better to find out how he feels about things sooner rather than later. Don't approach the subject like a bull in a china shop, but when the time is right, gently bring it up and see what kind of reaction you get from him.
Another thing to keep in mind is how many past relationships your guy has had. If it's in the double digits, and if you think it'll somehow be different with you, then the sooner you tell him about your thoughts for the future and see how he feels, the better.
If he just goes from relationship to relationship without really feeling the need to commit to anyone, then you're better to cut your losses and look for someone new who is more than happy to commit to a serious relationship and long-term future. With you.
If your guy changes the subject or just refuses to talk about the future or your relationship and where it's going, that's another sign that things may not be happily ever after down the road for the two of you.
Learning to identify the signs of whether or not your guy is ready and willing to commit can save you a lot of heartache both now and in the future. And don't forget that if you find yourself with little nagging issues and questions about him, then you may be just settling for a commitment that's just not right for either of you.
Your guy isn't going to commit to anyone - even you - unless he feels it in his head, in his gut and in his heart.
Remember that while you constantly hear about men and commitment issues, it could be so much more than it seems.