Broken or damaged relationships don't just happen. It takes work to hurt and damage what was once a great union between two great people.
You may not consciously realize what you're doing to damage the relationship, but what you say and do or in some cases, don't do, can break down even the strongest of relationships over time.
It's easy to feel the space growing larger between the two of you. You can feel the cold and
empty space where you once found it to be so easy to just be with each other. Whether there's an increase in arguments, silence, separation or just a feeling of something not being
Once you start having issues with your mate, you may move on without having completely resolved the issues. It's kind of left hanging out there in the back of your mind.
For example, a fight or disagreement may not have turned out the way you needed it to. Maybe you feel like your man didn't care about your feelings, or didn't really hear what you were saying about how much the issue bothered you. Maybe you feel like you're getting no support. Maybe you feel like he really doesn't get you or even care about trying to make you happy.
So the resentment begins.
You may just tell yourself to let it go and move on.
Even though you think you've moved on, sometimes hard feelings are more difficult to let go of completely. The negative thoughts tend to keep coming back over and over again, and
still have strong negative emotions tied to them.
Once you start holding on to past issues because they haven't been completely resolved and start feeling resentment towards your man, the problems can snowball from there. Each time that a similar issue comes up in the future, it brings back all those bad feelings and resentment from the last incident. This can build and build and become a serious roadblock to maintaining or healing what's becoming a broken relationship.
Most of the time, your guy probably doesn't even know what the problem is. He doesn't want to bring it up for the fear of setting you off or making you upset, so just tries to go along like nothing is wrong. He might even ask you if something is wrong, and because you don't want
to bring up something from the past, or let him know how much something really bothered you for fear of him thinking you're over-reacting, you tell him nothing is wrong. Big mistake.
In order to heal, you have to talk to him and let him know if something really is bothering you. At first it might be scary to do this, but once you can learn this very important communication skill, it gets easier.
Lack of communication is one of the biggest relationship killers. Open and honest
communication is so important because if you're not able to admit that something is bothering you, then the problem can't ever really be fixed. Then you both start to hold this silent anger and your actions reflect your true feelings on the inside.
You might find yourself snapping at your guy, or not talking to him at all. You are so hurt and don't feel close to him, so intimacy becomes an issue, as well. You don't want to spend time with him. You blame him for your unhappiness.
Can you see how not telling your guy how you feel and making him understand how it hurts you can snowball into every single area of your relationship? Along the way, it kills the love and happiness the two of you once had.
How many times do you wake up one day and say, "What happened?" You used to be so in love, best friends and were really happy together. Suddenly, you have all these negative feelings (and so does he) to the point where there's so much emotional baggage, you don't know how or when it happened.
It takes work to break down a relationship. We all make mistakes or have regrets in our relationships. Things we should have done, could have done, could have said, etc.
Because you can't go back in time and erase those mistakes, you have to start from where you are today, and make better choices about how to handle issues in the future.
The first thing you have to do is decide if you really want to heal the relationship and do the work it will take to turn things around. This applies to both of you. If you want to fix things,
but he doesn't seem to be interested, then it might be better to take a break from each other for a while. You both have to make the commitment to work on the relationship and put each other first.
Which leads us to the next step. Once you decide the relationship is worth saving, you need to decide to make the commitment to work on the relationship and make it a priority.
The third step is to sit down and really put all the issues on the table. Honestly tell each other what you think the problems are, and how certain issues make you feel. If he's doing something that really hurts you, like criticizing or making you feel like you're not an equal partner in the relationship, tell him how these actions make you feel.
Approach this heart-to-heart talk with a mindset of being gentle and loving. If you go into the conversation by pointing out all his faults and letting him know he's wrong about everything, then it's pointless to have the conversation at all.
There should be no yelling, name calling or accusing, just simply bringing up examples of things that are bothering you and why. Then the two of you can work out a plan to do things differently or come to a compromise that will work out better for both of you. If you know how certain things affect your partner, you can make a conscious effort to say or do things in a more positive way.
Depending on how long things have gone on without being corrected, it could take weeks, months or years to fix problems in a relationship. There are so problems that come from so many different levels. Things as simple as putting the toilet seat down, to infidelity and trust
issues. Communication, trust and commitment are all things that you're going to need to re-build what you once had.
Take a deep breath, and take things one day at a time.
Healing a broken relationship takes hard work, but it's not impossible to turn things around.
It would be nice to think that because you love each other, things will just somehow work out. Unfortunately, that isn't the reality of relationships.
Remember the steps to being the healing process. Ask yourself if the relationship is worth saving, and make a commitment to do whatever it takes to turn things around. Make time to sit down and talk calmly about the issues on both sides, and try to come up with a plan to work on these things. Do the work.
With consistent effort and by using better communication skills, you can learn to restore your broken relationship and fall in love all over again.