If your relationship has taken a lot of hard knocks for some time now, how exactly can you stop the madness and learn about healing a broken relationship?
Broken or damaged relationships don't just happen. It takes work to hurt and damage what was once a great union between two great people.
You may not consciously realize what you're doing to damage the relationship, but what you say and do or in some cases, don't do, can break down even the strongest of relationships over time.
It's easy to feel the space growing larger between the two of you. You can feel the cold and
empty space where you once found it to be so easy to just be with each other. Whether there's an increase in arguments, silence, separation or just a feeling of something not being
Once you start having issues with your mate, you may move on without having completely resolved the issues. It's kind of left hanging out there in the back of your mind.
For example, a fight or disagreement may not have turned out the way you needed it to. Maybe you feel like your man didn't care about your feelings, or didn't really hear what you were saying about how much the issue bothered you. Maybe you feel like you're getting no support. Maybe you feel like he really doesn't get you or even care about trying to make you happy.
So the resentment begins.
You may just tell yourself to let it go and move on.
Even though you think you've moved on, sometimes hard feelings are more difficult to let go of completely. The negative thoughts tend to keep coming back over and over again, and
still have strong negative emotions tied to them.
Once you start holding on to past issues because they haven't been completely resolved and start feeling resentment towards your man, the problems can snowball from there. Each time that a similar issue comes up in the future, it brings back all those bad feelings and resentment from the last incident. This can build and build and become a serious roadblock to maintaining or healing what's becoming a broken relationship.
Most of the time, your guy probably doesn't even know what the problem is. He doesn't want to bring it up for the fear of setting you off or making you upset, so just tries to go along like nothing is wrong. He might even ask you if something is wrong, and because you don't want
to bring up something from the past, or let him know how much something really bothered you for fear of him thinking you're over-reacting, you tell him nothing is wrong. Big mistake.
In order to heal, you have to talk to him and let him know if something really is bothering you. At first it might be scary to do this, but once you can learn this very important communication skill, it gets easier.
Lack of communication is one of the biggest relationship killers. Open and honest
communication is so important because if you're not able to admit that something is bothering you, then the problem can't ever really be fixed. Then you both start to hold this silent anger and your actions reflect your true feelings on the inside.
You might find yourself snapping at your guy, or not talking to him at all. You are so hurt and don't feel close to him, so intimacy becomes an issue, as well. You don't want to spend time with him. You blame him for your unhappiness.
Can you see how not telling your guy how you feel and making him understand how it hurts you can snowball into every single area of your relationship? Along the way, it kills the love and happiness the two of you once had.
How many times do you wake up one day and say, "What happened?" You used to be so in love, best friends and were really happy together. Suddenly, you have all these negative feelings (and so does he) to the point where there's so much emotional baggage, you don't know how or when it happened.
It takes work to break down a relationship. We all make mistakes or have regrets in our relationships. Things we should have done, could have done, could have said, etc.
Because you can't go back in time and erase those mistakes, you have to start from where you are today, and make better choices about how to handle issues in the future.
The first thing you have to do is decide if you really want to heal the relationship and do the work it will take to turn things around. This applies to both of you. If you want to fix things,
but he doesn't seem to be interested, then it might be better to take a break from each other for a while. You both have to make the commitment to work on the relationship and put each other first.
Which leads us to the next step. Once you decide the relationship is worth saving, you need to decide to make the commitment to work on the relationship and make it a priority.
The third step is to sit down and really put all the issues on the table. Honestly tell each other what you think the problems are, and how certain issues make you feel. If he's doing something that really hurts you, like criticizing or making you feel like you're not an equal partner in the relationship, tell him how these actions make you feel.
Approach this heart-to-heart talk with a mindset of being gentle and loving. If you go into the conversation by pointing out all his faults and letting him know he's wrong about everything, then it's pointless to have the conversation at all.
There should be no yelling, name calling or accusing, just simply bringing up examples of things that are bothering you and why. Then the two of you can work out a plan to do things differently or come to a compromise that will work out better for both of you. If you know how certain things affect your partner, you can make a conscious effort to say or do things in a more positive way.
Depending on how long things have gone on without being corrected, it could take weeks, months or years to fix problems in a relationship. There are so problems that come from so many different levels. Things as simple as putting the toilet seat down, to infidelity and trust
issues. Communication, trust and commitment are all things that you're going to need to re-build what you once had.
Take a deep breath, and take things one day at a time.
Healing a broken relationship takes hard work, but it's not impossible to turn things around.
It would be nice to think that because you love each other, things will just somehow work out. Unfortunately, that isn't the reality of relationships.
Remember the steps to being the healing process. Ask yourself if the relationship is worth saving, and make a commitment to do whatever it takes to turn things around. Make time to sit down and talk calmly about the issues on both sides, and try to come up with a plan to work on these things. Do the work.
With consistent effort and by using better communication skills, you can learn to restore your broken relationship and fall in love all over again.
How many times have you heard about men and commitment issues? More times than you'd like to count, I'm sure.
Here's the scenario. You've spent some time in a relationship, only to have it go nowhere. After you break up, your guy goes off and gets engaged or married to the very next women he starts to date where you two left off.
Well, you are not alone. Hasn't this happened to every one of us at least once? When Harry Met Sally? If not you personally, then maybe it's happened to a friend. Somewhere along the way, it's probably going to happen if it hasn't already.
Here's the thing. You start dating a great guy and after a while, begin to think that he's "the one." Then time goes on and the relationship doesn't ever seem to move in the direction of securing a commitment from him.
That's when even more issues come into play. You start to wonder if the two of you will ever get to the point of a committed relationship. You don't want to push, and don't want to force him into making a decision or worse yet, giving him an ultimatum.
And while the relationship is OK, somewhere in the back of your mind, you may be thinking that it just doesn't feel completely right. Or maybe you make excuses for things in the relationship that you wish were different.
Like, if you hate football and your guy has two big flat screens playing football all day, every day. Or he doesn't ever buy you flowers. Or he doesn't like to do many of the things you'd like to do. Whatever the things are that you wish were different.
But you don't really want to face these things and be honest with yourself because while the relationship isn't bad, it's just not the head-over-heels, over-the-moon, can't-live-without-this-guy-type of a relationship.
Let me tell you that if you are having these kinds of thoughts or little nagging doubts, so is he. So while you might like to blame him for being afraid to commit to you, maybe he just isn't willing to admit that this isn't the relationship he's ready to commit to. But then again, neither are you.
Sometimes it's easier to just go with what you have and know to be familiar and comfortable. Who wants to start dating? Who wants to start all over from scratch?
The fear of not being able to find another good or even fantastic relationship is just too scary to even think about. If you've invested years into the relationship, then it's even worse. Let's face it. Being brutally honest about whether or not this is really the relationship you want
deep down is really hard to do. I know because I did just that.
If you have your whole future planned out with the guy you're with, it's really hard to look into the future and imagine it with anyone else. If the two of you are compatible and are relatively happy with each other, it's easy to see why the wrong people end up eventually committing to each other for the wrong reasons.
Let's just say you've been thinking about why your relationship isn't moving forward, or why in your moments of facing your real, deep feelings about the relationship, that you have questions about a committed life together.
Whether you are having these thoughts consciously or not, don't ignore the thoughts if they are there. Admit that there are things you're not crazy about and whether or not making a commitment with this particular person is really what you want. Are you just "loving the one you're with" because the thought of starting over terrifies you?
What if you could see the signs that point to the fact that maybe the two of you aren't as into the relationship as you once thought you were? By recognizing these signs, you could either make a decision to end the relationship and get started on meeting someone who you can really connect with, or at least not tear yourself up inside when the relationship never really reaches that committed level that you feel way down deep in your heart and soul.
By understanding that there may be someone out there that will make you happier, more in love and commit to you, you'll save yourself a lot of tears, heartache and wondering what's going on in the current relationship that's going nowhere.
At some point in your relationship, you have to bring up what your plans are for the future. If it means a marriage and children, then you need to get that point across. You don't want to wait for years to have this conversation, because then you'll probably assume that your hopes and dreams will include your guy.
Now if your guy isn't interested in any of that, you've got a problem. You've spent a lot of
your time hoping that he'll pop the question when he really has no intention to do so, and you'll be heartbroken to find out that he isn't willing to commit to you.
That's not a good position to be in for either your head or your heart. Better to find out how he feels about things sooner rather than later. Don't approach the subject like a bull in a china shop, but when the time is right, gently bring it up and see what kind of reaction you get from him.
Another thing to keep in mind is how many past relationships your guy has had. If it's in the double digits, and if you think it'll somehow be different with you, then the sooner you tell him about your thoughts for the future and see how he feels, the better.
If he just goes from relationship to relationship without really feeling the need to commit to anyone, then you're better to cut your losses and look for someone new who is more than happy to commit to a serious relationship and long-term future. With you.
If your guy changes the subject or just refuses to talk about the future or your relationship and where it's going, that's another sign that things may not be happily ever after down the road for the two of you.
Learning to identify the signs of whether or not your guy is ready and willing to commit can save you a lot of heartache both now and in the future. And don't forget that if you find yourself with little nagging issues and questions about him, then you may be just settling for a commitment that's just not right for either of you.
Your guy isn't going to commit to anyone - even you - unless he feels it in his head, in his gut and in his heart.
Remember that while you constantly hear about men and commitment issues, it could be so much more than it seems.
If you want a better, stronger relationship, consider the importance of letting go of those relationship issues.
Being able to let go of the burning desire for a commitment, the need to be in control of everything in the relationship and the constant push for intimacy can all be very harmful to a relationship. The inability to let go can set you up for disappointment and give you the exact opposite results of what you want in a relationship.
Did you ever notice that when you try too hard, chase or keep pushing for something you want, it seems further away and harder to get? That's because you're trying to control or force something to happen and usually, this tactic seldom works.
Even if it appears to work out for you, you might get what you want but there's just something that always seems to be missing. For example, you might push and push your partner to make a commitment, but when it happens, it's not the intimate, close, loving commitment that you were hoping for. It might almost seem like there's a constant wall between you and that your partner just goes along with what you want to avoid conflict or problems. Your partner just never seems to be as into the relationship as you want him to be.
That's what happens when you try to force something. Having the ability to let go, stay positive and let nature take its course, you're going to get better results much faster and easier.
Some of the issues you need to be able to let go of include control and getting your way all the time. If you become angry, cry or try to manipulate your guy into a committed relationship, your relationship will be unpleasant and you'll be unhappy...a lot.
You shouldn't have to try to "make" your partner love you, want to be with you or have an intimate, committed relationship. This will come naturally if you can just let it go.
You can also have relationship issues that are preventing you from even finding a relationship in the first place. And again, by letting go, being true to and happy with yourself first, then you can finally attract a great relationship.
When you constantly chase or hunt something down, bound and determined to get what you want, you have probably had a negative experience in getting that great relationship - or anything else - that you really want.
Nobody likes to be made to feel that they're forced into something or being trapped. By
clinging or forcing, your partner is more likely to run as fast as possible in the other direction.
By letting go of the outcome, you can keep strongly in mind what it is that you want in a relationship, and just let it come to you naturally versus running after and forcing it.
By letting go of your relationship issues, you can relax, feel good, have some fun and live in the moment. When you are relaxed, happy and enjoying yourself, you send out a very powerful, positive message.
What you don't want to send out is a message of desperation, neediness or a clinging, controlling type of mindset. There's nothing your partner will pick up on faster than those negative vibes.
By simply accepting and being happy with yourself, you turn the tables and send out a completely different vibe. Picture yourself as already having that happy, intimate, loving relationship and at the end of the day, you'll have it. If you act "as if" you have it already, your thoughts and actions will set you up to be in line with exactly what you want.
When you take action, you'll be taking positive, more productive action that will give you the results you want without forcing anything. You'll be able to pick up on vibes and cues from your partner that will help you to know what to do next to move the relationship forward.
You might be thinking that if you don't take charge and very specifically let your partner know what you want and when you want it, the relationship will fall apart. Remember that you cannot force anyone to love you or be with you.
Take the easier path so you can enjoy your time together more without always trying to make your partner feel like you can't be happy without a commitment. A commitment will
come a lot faster by letting go of those relationship issues that include insecurity, jealously, neediness and unsatisfaction with the ways things are.
If you don't like the way things are, then learn how to change them.
You can learn how to get a commitment from your man by just tuning in, being there and being confident enough to let things go.
So how do you turn the tables from desperation and unhappiness to contentment and happiness? By letting go of those relationship issues or focusing constantly on what you don't have, you can ultimately have exactly what you want, and enjoy the process of getting there.
One of the last things any woman wants to hear from her man is that he wants to "take a break" from the relationship. The question here has got to be is he really taking a break or ending the relationship?"
Sometimes this news comes as a complete surprise and sometimes you may have had a feeling that something like this was coming. Either way, once your man drops the bombshell, and after the initial shock wears off, your mind is swimming with a lot of questions.
At the time, you may have just not known what to say. There may have been some tears. Maybe you got angry and "let him have it," because you became defensive and felt the need to stick up for yourself. Hopefully, you didn't call him every name in the book; tell him he's making the biggest mistake of his life or other things to that effect.
The problem with getting angry, crying a lot or begging him to reconsider are exactly the things you shouldn't do in this scenario. Granted, you may have had a knee jerk reaction in the heat of the moment and responded without thinking.
Even if your man's intention is to just tell you he wants to slow down and take a break from the relationship, this may indicate that it is just a few steps away from ending for good.
handle this situation will depend on whether or not he really does end the relationship for good.
If your man tells you he wants to take a break, feel free to ask why, but the less you say, the better. I know it's hard to hold back your thoughts and feelings, especially if you didn't see it coming. But, the only thing you can do is agree that it might be a good idea (think Kate
Middleton and Prince William), even if you don't feel the same way.
If you had an emotional reaction to the news, try to regain your composure before the end of the conversation. You should try to leave things on good terms, especially if you don't really want the relationship to end. Let him know that despite your emotions, you reacted out of
surprise. Also let him know that he's right, taking a break might not be a bad idea.
No matter what, do not write him a letter, text or call him, "accidentally" bump into him at the club you know he goes to, or go out of your way to make any contact with him at all. If things ended badly, let it go.
Even though it might take time, and a lot more time than you may want it to, the goal is for him to contact you, not the other way around.
Why would he feel the need to take a break from the relationship at all? Well, he might really not be ready to make a commitment to you (or anyone else) and is possibly unsure of his feelings for you. Maybe he's feeling boxed in or pressured, especially if things in the relationship aren't going the way he had envisioned.
There are all kinds of reasons why your guy might appear distant or that he's lost interest in you (see COMMITMENT PHOBIC MEN
) and until he decides to contact you and rebuild the relationship, the worst thing you can do is to try to force the issue.
Is he really taking a break or ending the relationship? Either way, the best way to handle the situation is to use smart strategies that will naturally bring him back into your life and this time, he'll be ready and willing to begin an exclusive, even committed, relationship with you.
If you have been in a relationship for a while, you may have noticed that conversations between the two of you have become strained, predictable and, well, boring
Wouldn't it be great to recapture that time when you just loved to talk with each other? The time when both of you were genuinely interested in what the other had to say, and how cool it was to learn more about each other.
If you are missing the days of “talking the way we used to,” when everything was easy, comfortable and enjoyable, know that it is possible to recapture those great conversations.
What was different when your relationship was new versus where it is now? It was probably easier to make conversation because the two of you were still learning so many new things about each other.
After a while, we all tend to get lazy and take things for granted, right? Until one day, you
wake up and really miss the way things used to be. When you are in a relationship for a while, the newness of the relationship wears off and since you think you know everything about each other, conversation becomes stale and dull. The effort and enthusiasm of making conversation really takes a back seat.
Keep in mind that having someone to talk to is a basic emotional human desire. Being able to share your thoughts, dreams and just knowing that someone cares enough about you to
actually listen to something you say feels good. It makes us feel important.
The key to getting back to that time when your conversations were meaningful and even fun requires some work. First of all, you have to make the time
to talk to each other. Make the time to really have a great chat without arguing or pointing out any faults in the other person.
One great way to spark an interesting conversation is to ask about something from your man's past. An example would be something like what his favorite subject was in school, or the best birthday gift he ever got. You can bring up something that may remind him of something really cool from his younger days, and at the same time, you'll be learning something new about him.
Even if you think you know absolutely everything about each other, there are questions you can ask that will always reveal something you didn't know. Another added bonus to this type of conversation is that while your guy is telling you his story, you can get great ideas for future birthday or anniversary gifts. If you pick up clues about things he’s really passionate about, you can surprise him with some really thoughtful gifts down the road. He’ll notice.
The ability to have frequent and productive conversations with each other is vital to long-term success in any relationship. Think about it. You wouldn't be together at all if you didn't talk to each other!
Don’t be fooled into thinking that meaningful conversations aren't important to continue no matter how long you've been together. If you can put yourself back into that mindset you had when you first got together, you'll probably find this process a lot easier and a lot more fun.
You might think that talking is more of a concern of women than men. This really isn’t the
case. Even if your guy is not much of a talker, then it’s really important for you to tune in when he does attempt to open up to you.
Make sure you aren't goggling something on the internet or watching TV (or vice versa) when you are working on re-connecting or staying emotionally connected through conversation. Don’t just keep saying, “Uh huh,” repeatedly like you’re listening when you’re really not.
Lose the distractions and give him your complete focus and attention. Let him talk without
interruption. Let him know he can trust you with whatever it is he tells you without being made to feel stupid or that his take on things is wrong because it isn't what you think.
Just let the conversation flow and keep an open mind.
Talking to each other is so very important in order to keep connected and grow closer. Working on “talking the way we used to” will keep you close and bring back those great
feelings you used to get when you first got together.
There are so many things that keep us all so busy during each and every day. It's easy to say you'll talk "tomorrow" or when your schedule calms down or whatever else you're putting ahead of your relationship. You don't want to be obsessive or forcing your man to talk when he's just not into it, but when the opportunity presents itself, jump on it.
Make it a priority to learn something new about him every week. In this way, your
conversations will stop being boring and can be interesting once again. Plus, you’ll be strengthening that all-important emotional bond
with each other, which is one of the basic
requirements needed for a healthy, committed relationship
If you are guilty of chasing after your man, consider the reasons why it's a bad idea. In
fact, it might be the worst mistake you could make in your relationship.
You may be under the impression that unless you take serious action, he will never get the hint that you want to be in a relationship with him. It may be that you're tired of waiting for him to make a serious move towards a commitment, so you feel the need to take the bull by the horns, so to speak.
The first reason why it's a bad idea to chase after your man is that it compromises your position of being equal in the relationship.
If you are doing the chasing, constant calling, most of the talking, going along with just about all of his ideas and going well out of your way to do anything and everything for him, you are seriously diminishing your role as an equal partner.
He begins to look at you and in most cases, treat you differently, because you are allowing and even encouraging him to do it. By changing your plans at the last minute to do what he wants to do and always being available at the drop of a dime, you are just making things too easy.
When you set your sights on your man and chase after him relentlessly to force a relationship, the message you are sending is one of insecurity and that your feelings run much deeper than his feelings for you. You are wearing your heart on your sleeve, and it’s very obvious to him.
This leads to the second and probably most important reason why it's a bad idea to chase after your man. He knows that he doesn't have to try very hard to be with you. He knows that all he needs to do is give you a call and you'll come running. He knows that no matter how badly he treats you, you will go along with the behavior just because you're so crazy for him.
You decide that no matter what, you're going to get him, no matter how high the price.
Usually, the high price comes in the form of your self-esteem, confidence and happiness.
Don't be fooled into believing that if you chase him long enough, you'll eventually get him and life with him will be wonderful.
In most cases, quite the opposite is true. If you are chasing your guy, he knows that you're crazy about him and he doesn't need to put in much effort at all into having a relationship with you - period. You want him so much that you'll put up with just about anything from him. You make excuses for his behavior and try to justify things to make them right in your head.
But in reality, if you are totally honest with yourself, are you truly happy with how he treats you? Do you like the fact that you are putting almost all of the work and effort into the relationship with very little from him in return?
Even if you do end up in a committed relationship or even get married one day, do you think he'll treat you any better as the years go by?
Like most women who chase after their men, they eventually grow tired of doing all the work and making all the effort. It gets old very quickly to try to be in a relationship all by yourself. It's impossible. You may grow tired of trying so hard, and burned out by all the constant work that's involved. You may fear that if you stop doing all the work and giving, he’ll decide
to end the relationship. You may grow resentful and angry. You'll definitely fall out of love with the man you chased and worked so hard to get. It's a very empty "win."
If you meet a man you're interested in, go ahead and flirt with him. Drop some subtle clues that you're interested. If there’s potential for something to develop, let him take the lead.
If you allow him to chase you, you'll see a night and day difference in the relationship, how he feels about and treats you.
If you have broken up with someone that you just know you should be spending the rest of your life with, let him come to the same realization and do what it takes to win you back.
There are things you can do to help the process along
, but believe me when I tell you that the last thing you want to do is chase after a man, especially one you deeply love.
When it's his idea to come after you and has to figure out how to win you back or win your love to begin with, that is the best position you can be in. On these terms, you will have his respect, attention and the assurance that it is him who really wants to be with you. This will
result in a big difference in your relationship both now and down the road.
Focus your attention on strategies other than chasing your man
and you will discover what a difference it is to be with a man who is more interested in chasing and committing to a relationship with you.
It's good to have goals and something to shoot for, but when they begin to overwhelm you, maybe it's time to step back. Are your goals taking over the moment?
You may have goals for every area of your life. You focus on goals for your health, career, spiritual growth and your relationship.
As for your relationship, if your goal is to get a commitment from your man, you may be standing in the way of just letting it happen.
When you sit down and right out a list of goals, you may include action steps and things that have to happen in order for you to reach those goals. You may also include deadlines.
But remember that life is not just a series of action steps. Remember that life is about
people, and in your case, that special guy who you want to share your life with.
If you are so focused on achieving the goal of getting a commitment, then you may be forcing and even blocking the results from coming your way. Most people today believe that things don't happen unless you make them happen. While that's not always a bad thing, it just doesn't always work in every situation, especially in relationships and matters of the heart.
Also, by forcing an outcome, you may be losing touch with your light and fun side. By trying to force your man to make a decision about something he not ready for, or not sure that he wants right now, your forced outcome may turn out to be more bitter than sweet.
A commitment must come from deep feelings within your guy. These deep feelings cannot usually be forced according to the schedule on your goal list.
Not only that, but you tend to become so freaked out and anxious when it doesn't look like you're going to meet your goal deadline, that you become worried, stressed out and even depressed. The harder you try to force something, the more it usually eludes you.
You can become so focused on the end result and frustrated because you're not getting there, while in the meantime missing all kinds of beautiful and intimate moments along the journey to a commitment.
With goals taking over the moment, you are not really listening to your guy when he talks. When you go out together, your mind may be racing with thoughts of a commitment,
instead of enjoying a few good laughs and a nice dinner with some simple, intimate conversation, with no ulterior motives running on auto pilot through the back of your mind.
When your goals and thoughts of the end result are the primary thoughts in your mind, you are present physically, but not emotionally. Don't think your guy won't be able to sense your distraction or distance.
If you can just let go of goals and results, you will find yourself more relaxed, happier and really able to connect deeply and intimately with your man. You will be able to have fun again.
Goals are great and we all need to have them. However, goals that are taking over and ruling all of your thoughts and actions in the relationship is not at all where you want to
You will be cheating yourself out of so much enjoyment that may be right there in your relationship that you cannot see because your mind is elsewhere.
By living in the moment instead of goals taking over the moment, your man will love the fact that suddenly, you are 100% present in the time you share with him.
He'll be able to tell the difference, and you'll be able to feel it in the connection with your guy.
You've probably heard of corporate team building, right?
The idea is to get a group of employees and managers out together to participate in various activities, while at the same time, building and improving on issues ranging anywhere from trust to better communication.
Why not try some team building for your relationship?
Not that you have to come out and tell your guy specifically that you'll be working on team building, but definitely think about putting together a list of things that the two of you can work together on as a team.
Team building works because it gives specific responsibilities to each person, and the goal cannot be achieved without each member of the team completing their part of the project.
The end result is a goal achieved, a project completed and the satisfaction that comes from a job well done.
What team building also does is to give the opportunity to depend on and support each other to get the job done. There is a bond that forms from doing things together as a team. Whenever two people go through an experience together, it creates memories and draws the two of you into a closer relationship.
Some examples of team building for your relationship include cooking meals, washing/drying the dishes, painting or remodeling a home, shopping, building something or yardwork.
It doesn't have to cost a lot to get some great team building activities going, and you may even be doing this already without even realizing it.
By depending on each other to finish the parts of the project you are responsible for, and then putting it together at the end, results in the completion of a project or job that you can both feel proud of. High fives and hugs are encouraged!
If you're looking for ways to spend more time together, and do a bit of team building for your relationship in the process, come up with some ideas of projects around the house and ask your guy if he'd like to help you out with whatever it is. Explain your vision for the idea and ask for his suggestions as to how to make it better. Then sit down and divide up the tasks so you can each contribute to the project.
You'd be amazed at the great conversations that come up while you are relaxed and focused on completing your tasks. Projects such as cooking meals tend to bring up memories of past
experiences. You and your guy can share stories about baking cookies with mom when you were kids, or a favorite meal that you loved when you were little that you haven't had in forever.
These are the moments that make you feel close and secure, forming a deeper bond between the two of you. All of this from chopping onions. Who knew?
Take the time to think of ways you can work on some team building for your relationship.
Even small projects can lead to big connections with your man.
What is the secret to having great conversations with your man? Is he really listening to you
and more importantly, are you really listening to him?
One of the basic skills you need to master for a strong, committed relationship is how to communicate effectively.
When you have great conversations with your man, you develop an intimate connection with him. You learn what he likes, what he hates and how he feels about everything, including
The best way to start a conversation is to find some common ground. Get the conversation
started by asking him questions about things he likes. Get to really know him by asking more questions and letting what he tells you really soak in. The secret to great conversations is doing more of the listening than talking.
Conversations are also a great way to find out what you may be saying or doing that is preventing the two of you from having great conversations. By paying attention to this information, you can avoid these things in the future in order to have better and more productive conversations.
For example, do you interrupt him? Finish his sentences? Speak for him? Roll your eyes when he talks? Keep checking your watch? Take a call on your cell phone? Argue with him? Always have to be right?
If you listen to what he’s telling you –things that you might not even be aware of - you'll be able to discover what you may be doing to prevent great conversations.
If you are too busy talking or always having to win an argument, you will be missing important things that would come up in conversation that you could use to negotiate compromises to many, many things in your relationship. If you can pick up on his body language and read between the lines to discover things that he might be implying instead of coming right out and saying, it will put you light years ahead in the time it may take to secure a commitment from him.
When a man is talking, he likes it when he knows you're really tuning in and listening. By giving him your attention, you make him feel important and secure in the relationship.
How much more do you think he'll be willing to share with you if he knows that no matter he has to say, you will not laugh at him, judge him or criticize him? The more secure he feels in being able to pour out his heart, soul and dreams to you, the more intimate and connected the two of you can be.
Leave the ego and need to be right all the time at the door when you want to have a great conversation with your man because if you put him in a defensive position every time he's about to open his mouth, he will not want to have a lot of in-depth conversations with you.
Listen with your heart if you want to really get your man to open up. You don't need to have a scheduled, hour long“talk time” every day, but when you do want to talk, it should be easy for your man to actively participate in the conversation.
To have great conversations with your man, don't bring up things that have bothered you in the past. Let the past go. If you keep bringing up past mistakes and arguments, it won't take long for the conversation to go badly and more than likely, end up in yet another argument.
When you have an argument, which all couples do, what you want is to make your point and let him make his, without resorting to name-calling, letting things become heated, making remarks out of anger that can never be taken back, etc.
It seems like it's much easier to talk to each other when the relationship is new and maybe the love goggles are still on. It's after getting more comfortable and you've been together for a while that great conversations seem to get fewer and farther between.
Much like affection, it takes effort to have great conversations and make the time for them. For openers, remember things that are going on with him and ask for details at the end of the day. Bring up things that you know he's interested in like the football draft or get his opinion on some bizarre story in the news today.
Take the time and watch for those opportunities to have great conversations with your man.
The warm fuzzy feeling you get from a great conversation is just one sign of connecting on a deeper level, and one step closer to getting a commitment from him.